can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
