Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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