I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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