it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
