Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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