So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
