Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
