Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
