Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
