well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
