I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
