Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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