her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
