she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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