I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
