I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
