WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
