i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
