and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
