There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
