I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
