If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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