I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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