just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
