I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
