I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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