after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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