I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
