i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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