Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
