in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
