Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
