Yo dont text me then not text me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
