if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
