Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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