Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize