Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well you can't waste a boner
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
