so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
