There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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