They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
