Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
