don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
