hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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