I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
