So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
