I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
