woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
