if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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