Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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