I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
