dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
