So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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