My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
