I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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