so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
