One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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