I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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