the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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