I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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