she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
