Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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