apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
