I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize