at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
