I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
the liver wants what the liver wants
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
