his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
