I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
