lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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