I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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