So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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