my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do herpes really smell.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
