I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
