I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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