no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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