Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
