you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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