Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
